I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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