There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
