I seem to have left my pride at pride
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
