I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
