You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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