ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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