I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
