how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
