Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
