Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
