dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
