It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
50% drunk capacity currently
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
