so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
