btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
