dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
