I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
