i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
