walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
