I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
