If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
