2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm lost and stupid without you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
