Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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