so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
