I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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