whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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