$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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