how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
