called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
