4 words: hood of his car
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just high enough for therapy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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