It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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