she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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