I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Randomize
