I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
