I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
