He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
