I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
