Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
