he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
