Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
