So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
