I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
