He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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