It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
