my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
