Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
