I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Two words: blizzard sex
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
