Whats the glycemic index on semen?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
