margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
