Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
