my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
