i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
