My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
